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YouTube Radio Vs. Despair

How are you?

I have been feeling pretty bad lately. From existential death anxiety to job contract issues to cold and rainy darkness in the weather, I have been worried about all sorts of things. I was able to resolve the anxiety overall, and the job issues and weather are clearing up. And I actually had help from an unlikely source.

I usually watch a lot of YouTube videos about video games, which led to me creating a new blog based on my old YouTube channel. During these weeks of darkness, I had trouble focusing on things that I liked. I didn't care about learning cool facts in my downtime about the Sega Genesis or completing Link's Awakening DX on my Game Boy Color, and I even had trouble practicing with my band for an out-of-town show. What was I to do?

I had no idea, to be honest. While at work, dreading all night’s terrors, I read a lot of documents about physics, metaphysics, and parapsychology. This helped me feel better, but I only got through it all with another tool: YouTube radio stations.

If you have listened to electronic musick on YouTube in the last year or so, I am sure that you have come across suggestions about "lofi hip hop beats" radio channels. I had been seeing them for some time, often top suggestions, but I was apprehensive. I wanted to watch Video Game Historian, Pat the NES Punk, Game Sack, and other channels like that. Sometimes I wanted to watch trashy 80’s anime films that were only released direct-to-video. Other times, I wanted to watch live concert footage of bands like T. Rex, Lou Reed, The Ramones, or Yellow Magic Orchestra. The radio channels of YouTube looked cool, but I didn’t feel like they was something I really wanted to spend my time with.

In the vast void, the Gray Waste of Hades, that was my mental state at the time, I didn’t want the normal stuff though; it just served to remind me of the lurking shadow that was my fear of oblivion and decay. I clicked on the link for a playlist of Japanese City Pop from the 1980s. And it was fun. That was on my TV at home. This opened the door for me, and I went on to find a streaming City Pop radio station that seems to unfortunately gone missing since. At work I listened to a lot of “lofi hip hop radio – beats for depression/anxiety” and “lofi hip hop radio – beats to relax/study to”. I still felt like I was floating in a mental void at first, the vision of vaporwave holograms and blooming video game consoles reminding me of the end of the world, just more sunny. But I got over it. Those “lofi hip hop beats” really helped me out, particularly the ones prescribed for my condition. The sound of wind through trees, the disembodied voice of a person that sounded meaningfully inspiring, the calming rhythms and vibrations really made me feel better. And they still do. Even though I am not at the very bottom of that pit of The Nine Hells, I still get inspiration from these channels when I feel myself slipping.

From the bottom of my heart, I have to say thank you to YouTubers ChilledCow and Ambition. Thank you for all that you do, and thank you for all that you will do. It sounds kind of corny, but those "lofi hip hop beats" can be really helpful when you are feeling down. Check 'em out. Maybe they can help you too. It's always nice to turn to different avenues when you are upset: friends, family, art, science, and YouTube. Thanks again.

P.S. I don't think future funk is for me. That stuff gave me a headache.